Conscious Choice: Making a List and Checking it Twice

December 2004 | BackWords

Making a List and Checking it Twice

Reasons to Stay Home Beyond the Holiday Season

by Joe Hanafee

DURING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, many working parents have the opportunity to spend more time than usual at home with their kids and it may prompt you to consider spending more time with your family. One day recently, I had just such a moment, except it started with the opposite impulse.

Lunch was over and I was on my hands and knees, scraping the food off the floor that my 1-year-old daughter, Mary Catherine, had gleefully flung there from her high-chair moments before. My 4-year-old, James, was marching around the house, beating a drum at an ear-splitting level. It was a race for the food between me, the ants that infest our house every year, and the daughter who had thrown the food moments before, but then wanted to stuff it in her mouth. A thought hit me: what the heck am I doing here?

Is this what my life has come to? Is this why I spent all that time, effort and money getting a master’s degree and building a successful professional career? Why, I used to be somebody — an expert in my field, traveling the country giving workshops and lecturing. People used to pay good money just to listen to me talk. Now I would pay anything just to get my kids to think about listening to me. Ah, the trials of being an At-Home Dad.

But then another sea of images flooded my brain: My son giving the best hugs in the world when Daddy needs a midday pick-me-up, my daughter walking like the Frankenstein monster to bring her Dad a book to read and then snuggling in my lap. The two of them in their room at naptime, laughing and cutting up until they finally fall asleep. Playing in bed every morning with the kids after Mom has gone to work. Being there to teach them their ABCs and how to play checkers. I realize that, yes, I did choose to take on this “job,” perhaps the most important I have ever had.

In many ways, it is the job I have been preparing for my entire life. Twenty years of education and experience as a teacher and trainer have readied me to be the most important teacher in my children’s life, a parent. Experience as a counselor has hopefully given me the skills to assist their emotional and social development. And my background in international and multicultural education as well as extensive travels will help me introduce them to the increasingly global, diverse and interconnected world we live in.

So when my wife and I had to decide which of us was going to stay home with the kids, for these and many other reasons we decided that it would be me. And, boy, am I happy we did. This is definitely the most fulfilling, important, life-giving, spiritually fulfilling “job” I have ever had, and I’m grateful to my wife for giving me this wonderful opportunity. My “dream” job has always been one where I am doing important work that I like, where I feel like I am making a difference in the world, where the schedule is flexible, where the hours fly by, and where I am in charge. I can’t think of a better job to fulfill these requirements than being an At-Home Dad. (Except, of course, for that in-charge part; We all know Dad is last in line at my house in the “In Control” department.)

People often ask me about the reaction I get from other people when they find out I am an At-Home Dad. I think the most important thing that affects people’s reaction is actually my attitude. When I present a positive image of what I do, people naturally tend to be positive in response. When I talk to my male friends and say how much I love being home with the kids, many say they are jealous. I really think that the world will be a better place when men and women have more roles open to them, so I feel a responsibility to do what I can to help this happen.

On the other hand, I am not naïve. Some At-Home Moms are friendly, but others are a little standoffish and cliquish. Some men do give you the subtle message that you are not a “real man” if you don’t have a “real job.” At times like these, it is always nice to have a support network of people who know what you are going through. That’s why it is great to have a group like the Chicagoland At-Home Dads around. With more than 100 Dads from around the Chicago area, the group has activities such as a monthly Dad’s night out, regional play groups, Cubs games, museums and other kid-centered outings. Generally, we get together to share stories and do both traditional and nontraditional male bonding. How many guys do you know who talk diaper changing while watching a football game?

We play a major role in sponsoring the annual At-Home Dad convention every fall at Oakton Community College, a great resource for anyone who is or is thinking about becoming an At-Home Dad.

So, what the heck am I doing here? With a lot of support from my wife and a little help from my friends, I am making a choice to have the time of my life, doing the most important job in the world, and loving (almost) every minute of it.

Joe Hanafee is an At-Home Dad/Consultant/Trainer who lives in Mt. Prospect, Ill., with his family, including his children, James and Mary Catherine, in photo above. For more information about Chicagoland At-Home Dads, call 847-925-1247 or visit www.slowlane.com.

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