Conscious Choice: You Can Meet On-line, but You May Not Click

November 2006 | Whole Health

You Can Meet On-line, but You May Not Click

By Nancy Ging, LCSW

Dear WB Adviser: It seems I am the only person I know who is single and not trying on-line dating. I do want to meet someone but don’t go to bars and would feel vulnerable exposing myself on-line. I have tried church gatherings but I am on a Spiritual path and I do not want to get involved with a church-committed person. Please share your perspective on on-line dating. — Squeamish about the on-line dating scene

Dear Squeamish: It may be useful to think of on-line dating as a sociological experience or some sort of sport. Let us not generalize about it. There is a wide variety of human connection to be made through the various Internet dating services. Connections from the sublime to the ridiculous. Best to assume that most people bend the truth more than a little bit when communicating on-line. Remember, there is no need to share more about yourself than you’re comfortable doing. If you venture forth, be certain to follow sensible rules about meeting your on-line friends face-to-face to stay safe and bow-out easily if you see red flags. Meet rather soon after the initial on-line contact if the person lives in your locale. Otherwise you could waste a lot of time making assumptions, building fantasies as you chat on line excessively.

Puzzled I am by the comment about your Spiritual path and desire to exclude church folk. Again, a sociological experience awaits you with a vast array of communities of faith available if you wish to explore. Wholesome spirituality is ultimately about unconditional love, is it not? Churches can still be found that are essentially about love and compassion, acceptance, justice and service. They would be those communities which are inclusive, embracing, open-minded and honor free choice and the diversity of the human family. Then there are the churches which are divisive, arrogant, rigid and rejecting. Far from loving. If you know the kind of people you want to be around you can find a church or synagogue with a singles group where you might be comfortable, at least for awhile. And don’t forget the excellent option of a martial arts or yoga class or meditation group in your neighborhood. Love can be found. The Universe is conspiring to make you happy.

Dear WBA: I’ve suffered from severe food allergies and environmental sensitivities for years. A number of people, including my medical doctors, have suggested that something psychological is involved here. What say you? — Tired of suffering

Dear Tired: In a holistic world view everything is related to everything else so the above input you’ve been given would have some validity. However it would also be plenty infuriating if you’ve spent a lot of time growing, getting conscious, releasing emotional baggage only to find yourself becoming more environmentally sensitive and finding little help for your discomfort. You’re not alone.

Only a few years ago psychoanalytic shrinks taught that people who were seriously into health foods or spoke much about their body’s adverse reactions to food additives had an “oral fixation” (a la Freudian psychology) which implied emotional neediness due to a developmental arrest at the earliest psycho-social stage of life, the first couple of years of childhood. How judgmental and narrow a viewpoint that was! Now it appears that many highly sensitive people are reacting ahead of the rest of the population to the growing toxicity of our environment. Not all, but some of these chemically sensitive people have done a lot of inner work, divesting themselves of the density of unnecessary psychological defense mechanisms only to become more open to the cacophony of toxins playing havoc with their physical bodymind. Of course there may be some people who avoid doing their inner psychological work by focusing on any number of things, possibly even a fixation on food, as a defense against getting to know themselves better or seeing themselves more realistically. People sometimes even use spirituality as a defense and avoid their emotional development.

Know that as you open your mind and heart to spaciousness and Light you may become increasingly disheartened about polution and even more physically disturbed by unhealthy chemicals in our world. The good news is that doctors who “get it” are showing up in our midst, and how we need them! Reach out, seek and you will find the kind of help you need to get your balance and grow to appreciate your sensitivities to life rather than lamenting them.

Nancy Ging, L.C.S.W., is a Chicago-area holistic psychotherapist, healer, consultant and author of Simplifying The Road to Wholeness.

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