February 2008 | Tune In
What’s Sex Got to Do with It?
Check your ism’s at the door. One workshop aims to solve the so-called gender identity crisis
by Amelia Glynn
When Will Keepin, PhD, author and president of the Satyana Institute, a non-profit service and training organization, invited the audience to stand and participate in a group exercise, I felt myself gripped by a familiar panic.
I had intentionally chosen a “safe” seat in the back of the dimly lit room at the California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) where I had gathered with about 70 other people to hear Keepin discuss his new book Divine Duality: The Power of Reconciliation Between Women and Men (Hohm Press, Nov. ’07). As someone who cringes at stuff as mundane as partner yoga, I was ready to bolt.
After stalling by pretending to search for something in my bag for as long as was socially appropriate, I reluctantly joined the others who — upon the encouragement of Keepin and Satyana program director, Cynthia Brix — were already walking briskly around the room, acknowledging each other with their eyes (Oh god). After a few uneasy laps, Brix and Keepin asked us to find a partner and answer a question often used as an icebreaker in Satyana’s gender reconciliation workshops: “What do you like most about being a man or a woman?” Huh? “Uh… you go first,” I offered lamely to my partner, a kind looking man with a beard. When my turn came, I was still rendered mute. I realized that not only had I never been asked this question, but also that I had rarely allowed myself to consider how my gender makes me different — other than the obvious physical and biological distinctions, of course.
Although the majority of people in the room didn’t seem phased by this question, I know that I’m not alone. The women’s and men’s movements of the last century have both illuminated and muddled issues surrounding gender identity for all of us. While helping to create numerous opportunities for women, the feminist movement has also put into question gender roles — particularly highlighting the need for women to do and be it all (witness the “superwoman” pandemic). The beginning of the second wave of American feminism in the late 1960s was met with the men’s rights movement, which, starting in the early 1990s was often expressed as an anti-feminist backlash by those who perceived the feminist movement to be excessive, emasculating and misandrist. These two movements, although positive in myriad ways, have also served to polarize men and women by accentuating differences rather than celebrating the masculine and feminine that exists in each of us.
Keepin, a mathematical physicist by training and former whistleblower for the nuclear power industry, became interested in the field of gender reconciliation in the early 1990s. Following his intensive training in transpersonal psychology and eastern spiritual traditions, he co-founded the Satyana Institute in 1996. In the past 12 years, more than 700 people from all over the world have attended his workshops including peace activists, physicians and health professionals, social workers, environmental leaders, government officials, religious ministers and leaders from the women’s and men’s movements.
I was curious to learn about the effectiveness and potential applications of his gender reconciliation workshops. What sets them apart from other forms of group therapy? Do they have lasting and measurable effects? Could I benefit from something like this (assuming I could temporarily table my fear of most things “woo-woo”)?
Keepin, who has a calm soothing voice and impressive laugh lines, believes gender reconciliation has the ability to facilitate awakening regardless of participants’ religious faith, education, socio-economic status, cultural background, philosophical beliefs or spiritual orientation. “The human heart is universal and when it opens, union happens,” he says.
He has witnessed profound effects in diverse cultural contexts ranging from the affluent West to societies of severe gender oppression, including South Africa and India. He is also applying the tenets from his workshops to help bridge the differences between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland and between Palestinians and Israelis in the Middle East.
Brix, a pixyish woman with tousled blond hair and a slight southern drawl, has a very personal connection to gender reconciliation work: she was once propositioned by her boss in what was supposed to be her dream job. “It was the first time I had truly felt any level of oppression as a woman,” she recounts. Her company, which was ironically in the wellness field, was unsupportive (she was demoted for speaking out), and she eventually left her position. Despite the disappointing outcome, she refused to play the role of victim. Eventually she came to work at the
Satyana Institute as an administrative assistant.
In her current role as a facilitator and program director, she brings her story to the workshops, encouraging women to speak out against sexual harassment and to confront their own experiences with gender injustice. After several years of working together, Brix and Keepin’s professional relationship took a romantic turn and they married in April 2007. “Our relationship brings a level of intimacy to the workshop space,” says Brix. “We are living the work every day.”
Gender reconciliation workshops differ from traditional therapy, couple’s counseling or women’s and men’s support groups because they actively include spirituality, breath work and experiential healing. And rather than highlight the differences between masculine and feminine perspectives, they focus on the potential for unity and integration among women and men.
Jane, an executive director of a nonprofit in Marin, California, and two-time divorcee, was drawn to gender reconciliation in hopes of addressing imbalances in her relationships with men. “I was always abandoning myself in some way,” she confides. The Keepin workshop she attended in 2006, she says, helped pave the way for a profound healing experience. Shortly after the workshop, as part of a small group exercise at a spiritual conference, she was asked to finish the sentence: “What I want you to know about me is…” Jane shared that she had been date raped when she was 14 — an issue she had confronted during the gender reconciliation workshop. “That immediately took us into a really deep place,” she says. One man in her group asked to go last, and when it was his turn, he put his hands on hers, looked directly into her eyes and said, “Unfortunately, I’m probably your worst nightmare. I just got out of jail for raping a 14-year-old girl,” and apologized to Jane.
“On the contrary,” she says. “It was the biggest gift anyone could have given me. It was beyond what I could have imagined would be healing for me.” She attributes much of this experience to what was incubated during the gender reconciliation workshop.
Greg Katz, a clean energy industry consultant and attendee of several workshops, met Keepin when they both attended Princeton more than two decades ago. “Stepping out of our comfort zones can be a tremendously healthy thing to do,” he says. “Opportunities for experiential learning un-sticks us and allows us to grow spiritually.” Katz notes that he’s been able to be more open and less judgmental in his relationships by “more fully inhabiting the moments I live.”
“Silent witnessing,” in which the facilitator asks questions that address how men and women both suffer from gender injustice, is a key component of every workshop. First the women and then the men are asked a particular question, such as “Have you ever felt afraid to walk the streets alone?” If the question resonates, they stand up. This immediately helps to create a greater awareness of the magnitude of these issues. “It really brings it home when you ask a question like, ‘Have you ever been forced sexually against your will?’ and a quarter to a half of the people stand,” says Keepin.
Workshops range from two to eight days and cost from $200 to $1500, depending on the length and location. Keepin describes each group, which is composed of about 25 people with an average age of 40, as a microcosm of our society. “That’s a thousand years of human experience right in the room,” he says. “We have all the data we need to grapple deeply with issues of gender injustice.”
A major premise of this work is that nothing is forced or prescribed. Keepin and the other trained facilitators stay present to what’s happening in the moment. “We create a safe environment and support whatever emerges,” Keepin explains.
Although all aspects of the workshops are voluntary, sometimes people are plunged into unforeseen situations. In one recent workshop during a breath work exercise, a woman who had been sexually abused as a child was randomly paired with someone who had committed sexual abuse — a fact that was revealed later in the workshop. According to Keepin, the turmoil that ensued evolved into a powerful forgiveness and healing experience for the entire group.
On the last day of the workshop, the women and men honor one another with a ritual they uniquely create to consecrate the healing that’s occurred. Keepin reminds each group that although they can’t heal thousands of years of injustice in one workshop, they can take what they’ve experienced back into their communities and relationships.
Jane admits she’s a little outside of the norm in her willingness to “go there” because of her repeated positive experiences in past workshops, classes and seminars. “When I talk about this work I see the fear in people’s eyes,” she says. “It’s really about personal freedom and a sense of wholeness that anyone could benefit from.”
Although I may not be ready to sign on the dotted line for the next gender reconciliation workshop, I genuinely enjoyed reading the many examples of transformation in Keepin’s book. They got me thinking about the power of gender — and its ability to both unite and divide us. And I finally have an answer to what I like best about being a woman: high heels, gabbing with girlfriends and an unapologetic (and even encouraged) love for all things chocolate.
Although still plagued by an innate suspicion of the “woo-woo” world, Amelia Glynn felt herself loosen up while researching this article. Partner yoga could be on her not-so-distant horizon.
If You’re Among the Brave…
Workshop Calendar
February 15–18, 2008
Divine Duality:
4-day Intensive Reconciliation Workshop for Women and Men
Rowe Conference Center
Berkshire Mountains in
Western Massachusetts
April 4–7, 2008
Divine Duality:
4-day Intensive Power of Reconciliation
Workshop for Women and Men
IONS, Petaluma, California
April 25–27, 2008
Divine Duality:
3-day Power of Reconciliation
Workshop for Women and Men
East West Living
New York, New York
June 2008
Divine Duality:
8-day Power of Reconciliation
Intensive for Women and Men
Karuna International Spiritual Center
Vidracco, Italy
Contact: Cynthia Brix,
programs@satyana.org
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